April 11, 2011

So, so far I've really only mentioned my relationship. It may seem weird or obsessive, but I'm in one of those relationships where I just can't say some things sometimes.
I want to say a lot of things to him, but he always tells me that he's not ready.
And that he's unsure of a lot of things.
And it's not that I don't get that.
But, I'm ready to move forward in a direction that I feel like he's not ready.
Sometimes I see him in my future - or at least I think about what it would be like.
Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't even see me in his present.
He won't let me call him my boyfriend.
I'm not allowed to change my relationship status to anything - so I just took it off.
He threw a fit when I asked him to change his.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm soo happy in this relationship.
But that's just it. I don't even know if it's a relationship.
I love this boy more than the moon and the stars.
He makes me happy in ways that no one else could ever.
He believes in me and has helped me come out of a really bad situation in beautiful health.
This boy is amazing, and I don't know what I would do without him.
Which is exactly why I just bite my tongue.
It's easier to me to just swallow the unimportant words, and keep moving forward, because those words don't solve anything, and they don't make anyone happy.
He told me he'd let me know when he was ready, but I wonder if he's ever going to be ready.
He has the best of both worlds like this.
It scares me.
I love him, and I just want to tell him.
I know, deep down, he loves me too.
He's just scared.